Writings

Ozzy Osbourne this week paid tribute to John Lennon by releasing a cover version of Lennon’s song “How.” Very fitting, since most who heard it asked “Why?” and “What?!?”

In hopes of exciting the Democratic base, President Obama will host a “youth town hall” on MTV next week. To prepare himself for the kinds of questions they may ask, he practiced with Joe Biden.

The Halloween costume industry says that the hottest costume this year is Lady Gaga. It became evident when instead of buying fake blood for their costumes, more people bought steak sauce.

President Obama on Tuesday said that community colleges across the country are “the unsung heroes of America’s education system.” A remark that Democrats fear was an unintentional compliment to the Tea Party.

St. John the Divine Church in New York on Sunday held its annual Blessing of the Animals. Parishioners called it unnecessary, because after you see what dogs can do to themselves, you would think they were already blessed.

The comic strip “Peanuts” marked its 60th anniversary this week. The next special celebrates the American spirit with the title, “Another Ten to Twenty Years, and You Can Afford to Retire, Charlie Brown!”

A message in a bottle sent by a high school student in Florida as part of his marine science class has come ashore in Ireland. Proving that the theory that the Irish are naturally attracted to the bottle is in fact very mutual.

A growing number of cities around the country are trying to combat littering by banning or taxing plastic shopping bags. Now the question “paper or plastic?” will refer to how you’d like to pay your fine.

Charlie, a chimpanzee at a South African zoo who became famous for his smoking habit, died this week at the age of 52. Other chimps were clearly upset, especially since “throwing feces” now returns to the top of the list of zoo animal’s “nastiest habits”.

The Baseball Hall of Fame this week admitted that “Shoeless” Joe Jackson’s 1919 White Sox jersey they have on display has been proven to be a fake. Finally, something fake that men can care about, said America’s wives.

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