Writings

Maricopa County, Arizona rejected most of the $65 million the Diamondbacks requested for upgrades. Makes sense. That’s a lot to spend on renovating the cellar.

County supervisor Andy Kunasek even told D-back President Derrick Hall to “go back to f***ing West Virginia”. He said in his defense, he thought that’s how people not named John Denver refer to West Virginia.

Given their fire sale, the Yankees are said to be aiming for “younger and leaner”. In other words, Bartolo Colon will not be a Yankee anytime soon.

The Giants unveiled a statue of Gaylord Perry outside of AT&T Park this month. It’s very unique, because while it’s really bronze, the Vaseline sheen makes it look gold.

The Little League World Series is under way. You can tell because the Braves keep yelling, “We got next!”

When Aroldis Chapman left a game recently, a Cubs employee played the song “Smack My Bitch Up”. He was soon fired, presumably for his actions being tasteless, not because Jose Reyes called dibs on that song.

The Marlins are reportedly interested in signing A-Rod. Weird. Usually when people in Florida see something washed up, they push it back.

After a fight with teammate Danny Valencia, Oakland’s Billy Butler suffered a concussion. Doctors knew there was some sort of head injury when he mentioned the words “A’s playoff run”.

It’s not even September and the Cubs have 80 wins. That’s odd. Autocorrect thinks that entire sentence is incorrect.

The White Sox are ending their sponsorship deal with US Cellular. It’s a huge shock, since getting dropped like that is more of a Sprint thing.

The White Sox stadium next year will be called Guaranteed Rate Field. And by “Rate” they mean “mediocrity”.

After striking out on a deal in Tustin, the Angels have renewed stadium talks with Anaheim, continuing the tradition of making Anaheim southern California’s Plan B.

William Shatner threw out the first pitch at a Red Sox game. As expected with his delivery, the ball dramatically stopped halfway to the plate before finally finishing.

*The above jokes can also be seen on crookedscoreboard.com as part of my feature column “The Stadt Sheet”.

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