Writings

Clayton Kershaw may need back surgery, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. He’s been carrying the Dodgers all year, after all.

Ichiro Suzuki is inching closer to hit #3,000. Even more impressive–the number of people who could have sworn he retired.

Former Cardinals executive Chris Correa was sentenced to 46 months in prison for hacking into a database. If you don’t think the offense was that bad, you should know that North Korea wants to trade for him.

The Cardinals say Correa acted alone. Well, they mentioned his office in a book depository, but that was their point.

Correa hacked Houston’s scouting reports over the course of several months, leading many to believe the Astros put their grandfathers in charge of passwords.

The Hall of Fame induction ceremony hosted over 50,000 people, or as the Reds call it, “a great month of attendance”!

During his induction speech, Ken Griffey, Jr. said he is “humbled and overwhelmed”. What a coincidence! That’s what the Reds said about their place in the NL Central.

Griffey played most of his career in Seattle and is praised for being clean in the steroid era, proving that coffee is not a performance enhancing drug.

Mike Piazza, also inducted in Cooperstown, is the lowest pick to ever enter the Hall, coming out of the 62nd Round. If he were any lower on the draft board he’d be Miller High Life.

Piazza is largely regarded as Mets fans’ all-time favorite, barely edging out Bill Buckner’s legs.

White Sox pitcher Chris Sale was suspended five games for slicing up throw-back jerseys from 1976. It’s the only time that a player was suspended for making an improvement.

Sale later apologized to the fans. In other words, he read from the White Sox manifesto.

After the incident, Sale said he cares more about winning than about making money. So it’s true; agents don’t always proof-read their clients’ press releases.

With the trade deadline looming, it’s time for teams to decide if they’re contenders or if they’re the Braves.

Biggest trade so far–the Cubs get Aroldis Chapman. If the domestic abuse allegations against him are true, it will be the first time the Cubs have ever signed a player who literally has a history of choking.

Chapman’s been clocked at 105 mph. The only thing faster ever seen in Wrigley was the rush to blame Steve Bartman.

Experts say the trade makes the Cubs “the team to beat”. And you thought the upcoming election was the only sign the Apocalypse is coming.

The above were also submitted to the website crookedscoreboard.com

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