Writings

SNL Jokes Week 9


December 16th, 2013

The sign language interpreter on stage during Nelson Mandela’s memorial service is being criticized for knowing a limited amount of sign language and for causing some mourners to suddenly steal second base.

During the Air Force One flight to South Africa this week, George W. Bush showed President Obama, Hillary Clinton and several others pictures of his latest paintings. So yes, believe it or not, your in-flight entertainment options are better than Air Force One’s.

President Obama was criticized this week for taking a selfie cell phone picture with British Prime Minister David Cameron and Denmark’s Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt at Nelson Mandela’s memorial service. But he was more criticized for deleting the picture after telling the prime minister, “If you like that selfie, you can keep that selfie.”

Time Magazine this week named Pope Francis as their Person of the Year. Mostly in an attempt to resurrect magazine sales.

Super Bowl officials announced this week that they will not allow any tailgating at this year’s game, which is bad news for fans who want to party like it’s MCMXCIX.

Greenpeace has posted a video of Santa Claus warning children that because of climate change he will have to cancel Christmas. “Oh no!” said the one kid who listens to Greenpeace.

A group of feral cats have taken over a nativity scene in Brooklyn, which explains this year’s gifts of gold, frankincense, and an extra large lint brush.

A new analysis shows that beer sales in the US have steadily dropped over the last five years with nearly 5 million fewer barrels of beer being sold than in previous years. “Don’t remind me,” said ugly people not getting laid.

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