Writings

SNL Jokes Week 5


November 4th, 2013

The Red Sox won the World Series on Wednesday after a long, hard-fought victory over Barbasol.

Florida police arrested a man who had a crack pipe with a Cialis pill packed inside. They first became suspicious when they saw the man light up the pipe while in the middle of a field sitting in a bathtub.

President Obama continued to try to appease world leaders after it was revealed that the NSA spied on 35 of them. Even harder for the world to accept: it was all done through new secret agent Double-O Rodman.

A new study shows that 38 percent of children under that age of 2 have used a tablet device such as an iPad or Kindle, usually while helping develop HealthCare.gov.

A school district in Washington State has created a controversy with a new anti-obesity program in which students will be weighed in school. It’s the first time a school district has ever phased out the age-old “last pick in recess” method.

According to the Department of Labor the most in-demand job skill is fluency in a foreign language. Least in-demand job skill: quoting Game of Thrones.

Intelligence officials said this week that President Obama was not aware of the inner workings of the NSA spying program. Well, at least he never mentioned it in his personal emails.

A family in Illinois said earlier this week that the birth of their son this year was proof that the St. Louis Cardinals would win the World Series since the team has won the World Series every year a baby was born in the family. Now that the Cardinals have lost, the boy will now be known as “Just Boring Ol’ Billy”.

A new study using eye-tracking technology shows that men look at women’s bodies more than their faces. Read all about it in the latest issue of “Duh! Weekly”.

An Australian court this week denied a workers’ compensation claim to a government worker who was injured while having sex in a motel room on a business trip, a ruling that officially changed the word to “blow-vacation”.

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