Writings

SNL Jokes Week #4


October 27th, 2013

A British couple that was arrested for possessing more than 38,000 dollars worth of marijuana told a judge that it was not for them but was an offering to the Hindu god Shiva, who they said is a lazy god who won’t get off the couch and find a job.

President Obama this week assured Americans that while the website has major problems the Affordable Care Act is sound and is a good product. Then he welcomed his new strategist–Tom from MySpace.

It was reported that the Obama Administration has asked Verizon to help fix the troubled HealthCare.gov website. Verizon agreed, but the President has to extend his contract another two years.

A new study shows that 38 percent of single Americans have used an online dating service. Usually while waiting for the healthcare website to work.

A new report reveals that 86 percent of the speeding tickets issued in Iowa are for out of state drivers. Iowa: where only visitors are in a hurry to leave.

A new study finds that 75 percent of breast milk purchased online is contaminated with high levels of harmful bacteria. Causing many to ask, “Who the hell buys breast milk online?!?!”

Kanye West started off his new concert tour this week with a show in Seattle in which he performed on stage with an actor playing Jesus. It was so real, there was even an encore three days later.

A New Jersey man was arrested for drunk driving after he fell asleep at a Burger King drive thru for two hours. Drive thru workers knew there was a problem because that’s ten minutes longer than the normal wait time.

The person who stole a 255-pound pumpkin from a 9 year-old Pennsylvania boy, returned it this week with a note apologizing for the crime and blaming his actions on the new video game Grand Theft Jack-o-Lantern.

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