Writings

SNL Jokes Week 3


October 16th, 2013

More than 9500 people in New Jersey set a new world record for the largest gathering of people dressed like zombies. To be fair, though, it was a Monday at the Jersey City DMV.

A new international study of adults in the labor force shows that Americans fall below the world average in problem-solving and math skills. So at least we’re well represented in Congress.

The BBC revealed this week that it has discovered lost episodes of the classic sci-fi series “Doctor Who”. They were accidentally filed away among episodes of the less popular “Male Nurse Who”.

A new report shows that 15 percent of commercial airline flights have contaminated drinking water on board. Southwest calls theirs “coffee”.

Police in Great Britain were able to identify and catch a man who stole vegetables from a green house by using DNA from a cucumber he had eaten. They got the idea after watching a classic episode of “CSI: Whole Foods”.

Astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson harshly criticized the hit movie Gravity this week saying that it contained major scientific inaccuracies including how bodies move in zero-G. Totally okay though–an astronaut who used to be Batman.

North Korean officials are completing construction on a new luxury ski resort. It’s sure to be successful because positioned at the bottom of the hill: South Korea.

The Federal Reserve this week introduced a new 100 dollar bill that contains features to make counterfeiting difficult, like a 3-D blue strip, a holographic bell, and a creepy portrait of a shirtless Ben Franklin.

LG Electronics is producing a new smartphone with a bendable screen. “Finally!” said creeps who want better camera angles.

During the President’s Cup golf tournament this past weekend a woman stripped naked and streaked the course. She was able to get further than past streakers since she started from the red tees.

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