Writings

SNL Jokes Week #2


October 7th, 2013

New research suggests that overweight people are at an increased risk of getting throat cancer if they wear their belts too tight. Or as Michael Douglas calls it, “the boring way”.

Ann Romney, the wife of former Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, has written a new cookbook. It’s for people who start off excited to eat but afterwards wish they ordered something else.

A 3 year-old boy in India was diagnosed with “precocious puberty,” in which the preschooler began developing acne, growing body hair, and severely traumatizing his teddy bear.

A fencing coach in Tennessee this week stopped a robbery by charging at the thieves in a parking lot with his foil. Just when you thought robbery couldn’t be any more not cool.

New York City has launched a new ad campaign called “I’m A Girl,” designed to improve young girls’ self-esteem by telling them that they are beautiful the way they are and by telling them they’re 12 point favorites to beat the Giants next week.

More than 20 people at a birthday party in Arizona were attacked by a swarm of bees. Witnesses blame the guy who said, “That was a pinata, right?”

A group of students have created a new kind of flour that is made from pulverized insect carcasses, breaking the world record for laziest kitchen cleaners.

Police in Georgia are searching for thieves who stole more than 40,000 dollars worth of jewelry from diners at a Waffle House. No word yet on if the robbery lasted a month or if this Waffle House can fit over 40,000 customers.

A new study suggests that pregnant women who gain too much weight may contribute to their children becoming overweight. Read all about it in this week’s “The McDonald’s Journal of Science”.

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