Writings

President Obama held a press conference during the past week of scandals and asked, “Sooo…anyone else up for a hurricane?”

A new report reveals that some families are hiring disabled tour guides when visiting Disney theme parks to help them avoid long lines and use the handicapped entrances. Which may explain Snow White’s newest dwarf: “Douchey”.

A Georgia man is saying that he has discovered a 70 year-old copy of the official Coca-Cola recipe and he is selling it on eBay for 5 million dollars. 5 million dollars and 80 cents if you want it supersized.

Astronomers reported this week that the sun experienced its biggest and most powerful solar storm of the year. So CNN sent a camera crew there.

It was revealed this week that the NTSB is considering a new recommendation for states to lower the Blood Alcohol Level to .05. Or what law enforcement calls “one-third of a Witherspoon”.

Police in Florida are searching for a person who reprogrammed a traffic sign to read “Smoke Weed Erryday”, although they have a hunch it was the construction worker holding the parking cone bong.

Fox announced this week that it will resurrect its hit series 24 next season. They could be out of ideas, though, because this time Jack Bauer fights Nikki Minaj.

A new UN report shows that eating insects such as grasshoppers and termites can help fight obesity. Especially if by “obesity” they mean “having friends”.

Researchers in the Netherlands are developing a form of “in-vitro meat” which can be grown in a lab. So congratulations, Dutch people! Enjoy your new Arby’s!

Officials in Keene, New Hampshire are trying to stop a group called “Robin Hood and his Merry Men,” who feed change into expired parking meters, mostly because they stash the coins inside their very awkward tights.

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