Writings

Federal investigators this week said that the ricin-tainted letters mailed to the president were sent by a Wayne Newton impersonator in Mississippi who was trying to frame a rival Elvis impersonator, suddenly making “ricin” the third most disturbing thing about that story.

It was reported this week that Saudi Arabian officials gave the US a written warning about Boston bombing suspect Tamerian Tsarnaev several months before the attack, prompting President Obama to appoint a new “Czar of Checking the Junk Folder”.

In an interview this week Carolyn Moss, Jason Collins’ former fiancée, said she had no idea he was gay and was surprised by his announcement. Although she was a bit suspicious that he was always “studying game tapes” at the same time Glee was on.

A woman in Georgia was arrested after she was caught stealing a Bible from a book store. Because apparently she doesn’t know anyone who works at a hotel.

It was announced this week that next year Broadway will feature a musical version of the movie Rocky. Or as husbands everywhere call it: “Payback for Cats”.

A specific spinning class at New York’s Soul Cycle has become the most popular class at the sports center after it was revealed that is the class Jake Gyllenhaal always attends. The least popular class…Hot Yoga with Anthony Wiener.

A new study shows that men who sleep poorly have a lower sperm count. Funny, since they’re the ones who have a lot less to worry about.

A new controversial study suggests that some children’s brains are just hard-wired to not be good at math. While other children are just simply bad tippers.

It was revealed this week that Google Glass, which is capable of transcribing spoken words into text, will censor any obscenities a user says, an announcement that was made when Samuel Jackson’s memoirs were suddenly cut in half.

Investigators are saying that about a month before the Boston bombings Dzhokhar Tsarnaev allegedly told one of his college friends that he knew how to make a bomb. It wasn’t believable, though, because his was the worst apple core bong ever.

According to a new study more than 4400 children are injured every year on the country’s amusement park rides. But parents say the risk is still way better than spending a day at Chuck E. Cheese.

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