Writings

Two Republicans, Tim Huelskamp and Justin Amash, were removed from the House Budget Committee by fellow Republican leaders in an effort to reach a compromise on the fiscal cliff. “It sure is scary to think that your own people can kick you out,” said Khloe Kardashian.

An aquarium in Utah is saving on its electricity bill by using an electric eel to provide power for their Christmas tree. Even more weird…Manatee Santa Claus.

North Korean officials this week announced that archaeologists in the country have discovered an ancient unicorn lair. North Korea: where freedom is a bigger fantasy than unicorns.

Nearly 300 people in Maine this past weekend participated in the annual Santa Sunday, in which skiers dressed as Santa hit the slopes. The first one down won the prize of explaining it all to hundreds of confused kids.

Ford this week announced plans to revitalize sales for its Lincoln brand with a new ad campaign featuring Abraham Lincoln. But as expected, it will discontinue its line of Martin van Burens.

As new surveys show that more fathers are buying toys for their children, toy makers are trying to attract the attention of male shoppers with new products such as Barbie construction sets and pastel Legos. But to be safe, they also plan to sell the normal stuff at Hooters.

Verizon is reportedly developing a new DVR that can program TV ads based on what it sees and conversations it hears in a person’s home. Which means commercials will be bleeped out during Philadelphia Eagles games.

A German was arrested for drunk driving after he was pulled over by police and tried to use a Breathalyzer to call a lawyer. Even more strange…somewhere at the same time, Lindsay Lohan’s phone rang.

Denny’s has opened a new 24 hour restaurant in Las Vegas that also features a wedding chapel where diners can get married. Just when you thought Moons Over My Hammy was the worst idea on the menu.

A new study suggests that couples who have sex on the first date are less happy in their relationships over the long-term. In other words, couples are less happy over the long-term if they meet on match.com.

Once Prince William’s child is born, William’s brother Harry will be moved down to fourth in the line of succession to the throne. Even harder to explain, he’s right behind whoever wins the Alabama/Notre Dame game.

Most of the above were also submitted to Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update.

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