Writings

Clint Eastwood made history at the Republican National Convention by becoming the first person to lose a game of musical chairs to an imaginary friend on national television.

Clint Eastwood spoke for ten minutes at the convention. It surprised his fans, who thought that watching “The Bridges of Madison County” would be the last time they asked, “What the hell is this?”

Eastwood spoke to an empty chair as if President Obama were sitting in it. The GOP defended the move, saying, “It was either the chair or Todd Akin. We went with the more sane choice.”

Republicans wrapped up their convention on Thursday night. In a related story, Nancy Pelosi took her fingers out of her ears and stopped shouting “La la la la, I can’t hear you, la la la la!”

The Democratic Party is fully prepared for their national convention this week. Which means they told airport security in Charlotte to detain Joe Biden.

A variety of protesters are showing up in Charlotte for the Democratic National Convention. The good news: crowd control is now a shovel-ready job.

During a visit to Wisconsin, Joe Biden told an audience that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan unfairly blame the country’s economic problems on President Obama. “After all,” he kindly reminded everyone, “Whoever smelt it dealt it. Am I right, Montana?”

There’s a new anti-Obama movie out called “2016”. Insiders say that number represents not the year, but how many pounds of popcorn they plan to sell to Chris Christie.

Many economists say that a “financial train wreck” is coming. But hardly anyone in the U.S. heard them because economists are not allowed on American Idol or The Bachelor.

In the wake of Tropical Storm Isaac, flooding and power outages are rampant in Louisiana. In fact, the area is so wet and dark, citizens are beginning to think they’re living Lindsay Lohan’s memoirs.

The Washington Nationals will stop using star pitcher Stephen Strasburg after two more starts. Even worse…once he’s labeled as “unable to perform”, he will automatically be made an honorary New York Met.

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