Writings

Wisconsin congressman Paul Ryan was announced as Mitt Romney’s running mate. And then Chris Christie ate him.

Many voters approve of Paul Ryan’s tight fiscal principles. Those who don’t like it…anyone who’s with him when the bar tab comes.

Paul Ryan is known for leading other congressmen in P-90-X classes. All that stretching on Capitol Hill and they still can’t reach across the aisle? Weird.

Paul Ryan said, “America is not just a place. It’s an idea.” Then he proposed we annex Narnia.

Ryan does believe in America the idea. So much so, he suggested we change our national bird to a light bulb…and a real one, not one of those dumb curly ones.

Fertilizer company Miracle-Gro has donated $200,000 to the Romney campaign. Making it the first fertilizer in politics that doesn’t come naturally from a bull.

One week of preseason football is in the books. But sorry, Browns fans, it’s a normal book, and not one with a magic miracle ending like Harry Potter.

All eyes are on Tim Tebow. So much so, that whenever he passes the water cooler, reporters check to see if it becomes a wine cooler.

Tebow saw some playing time on the punting unit. It’s no surprise that Tebow is called into action when a team fails to convert.

USA beat China in the Olympic medal count. In other words, “math” is still not an Olympic event.

Randy Travis was arrested after being found naked and drunk on a road in Texas. It’s a classic country music story that screams, “Your move, Taylor Swift.”

Officials at the CDC are warning of a new “gonorrhea superbug” that is resistant to antibiotics. To mark how serious it is, they gave it the scientific name Bacteria LadyGaga.

After winning gold in the 200 meters, Jamaican Usain Bolt secured the title of “fastest man in the world”. I bet he’s proud, but I bet he won’t call himself that on his match.com profile.

A recent study shows that the average couple spends $27,000 on their wedding. Suggesting the “til death” vow is still relevant, as long as MasterCard is involved.

Google was fined $22 million for violating privacy settings. The original fine was $30 million but out of habit, Google politely asked, “Did you meannnnn…$22 million?”

The new Mars rover is taking a ton of pictures. And no, there is no truth to the rumor that it’s been sexting with Uranus.

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