Writings

In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court upheld Obamacare. As you can imagine, there have been various reactions:

President Obama said that he looks forward to the Dictionary adding another definition for “tax”.

Joe Biden said he’s happy that he can longer be refused coverage for his pre-existing foot-in-mouth condition.

Mitt Romney told his butler to tell his press secretary to tell the media that he’s not happy at all.

Rush Limbaugh said the only court that he will ever allow to dictate his health is the Food Court.

Nancy Pelosi said she looks forward to reading what’s in the Act.

Ron Paul said the Supreme Court should be abolished and replaced with druids.

Herman Cain said he’s angry and then asked for Sonia Sotomayor’s phone number.

Okay, now that that contentious issue is out of the way…..

Brett Favre said that the NFL quarterback he likes watching the most is Dallas’s Tony Romo. Then he said, “Don’t tell me who made the playoffs. I’m way behind on my Tivo.”

Fire continues to consume Colorado…something that didn’t happen until AFTER they traded Tim Tebow. Just sayin.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are splitting up. Fans should have known there was trouble when instead of jumping on her couch, Cruise asked Oprah if he could crash there.

Various cities are offering residents tips to beat the heat. Now the main thing residents need is a tip on how to get the ice-cream truck jingle out of their head.

People across the country say the heat is unbearable and frustrating. Then, out of habit, LeBron James called everyone “haters”.

Swimmer Michael Phelps will only compete in 7 events at the Olympic Games. He said he wants to spend more time out of the pool after he breaks the world record for shrinkage.

Several government offices around the country are banning people who wear perfume or cologne from entering the building. The new strategy for Tea Party advocates…spraying incumbents with perfume or cologne.

A Chinese man was arrested after he smuggled $1 million worth of fake Marlboros into the US.  Authorities knew the cigarettes were from China when they saw the Surgeon General’s statement: “Warning: Smoking is harmful, but it’s not as bad as having more than one kid.”

Michigan is attempting to deter drunk driving with urinal cakes that emit pre-recorded messages. Because when a man hears a disembodied voice and continues to pee on it, he no doubt respects what it says.

The ever-elusive “God particle” was detected at a physics lab in Europe. Experts in Europe finally succeeded after someone pointed out, “Come on, people, it’s not like it’s an economic plan. We can find it!”

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