Writings

An Ohio man this week attempted to set a new world record by fist pumping for 17 hours straight, breaking the old record by over 16 hours and 59 minutes.

Mitt Romney, in a commencement speech at Liberty University, said that marriage should be between one man and one woman. Or as it’s described by traditional Mormons, “weird but not weird-weird”.

Yahoo CEO Scott Thompson on Sunday resigned in the wake of a scandal involving false claims on his resume. It was obvious he lied; when asked how he searches for stuff online, he said he always uses Yahoo.

“The Avengers” is expected to make over 1 billion dollars by this weekend. In other words, none of today’s superheroes are Greek.

A new study shows that 30 percent of Americans have sleep-walked. Even more upsetting, most of those people totally consider that enough exercise.

Newsweek magazine this week featured President Obama on the cover calling him “The First Gay President.” Which explains why when they endorsed him, they followed it with “no homo”.

Archaeologists in France have discovered 37,000 year-old rock drawings of female anatomy that may be the best evidence yet that Hugh Hefner kept a 4th Grade diary.

A new study shows that chimpanzees have different nut-cracking styles depending on where they live. So different in fact, the ones in New York call it ball-busting.

A Texas college student suffers from a rare condition called misophonia, in which she cannot tolerate sounds such as chewing, swallowing and loud breathing. Okaaay, just say you don’t want a roommate. Gaw!

Yankee Candle has released a new line of “Man Candles” that smell like sawdust and freshly cut grass. They’re for men who don’t like girly scents, or for women who want to throw visitors off from their sweatpants and seven cats.

President Obama has raised over twice the amount of money on the campaign trail than Mitt Romney. But they’re dead even if you count all the milk-money Romney took in grade school.

LeBron James has now won three MVP awards. Or as Michael Jordan calls them…”not rings”.

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