Writings

Topical Jokes #2


May 13th, 2012

Mitt Romney on Thursday apologized for “dumb things” he did in high school, after it was reported that he would bully other students. So perhaps karma can explain that the guy who used to give wedgies now looks like he always has one.

The Avengers movie broke the record for highest grossing opening weekend ever, earning 200 million dollars. So take that, whoever they’re avenging.

It was reported Monday that the CIA recently thwarted a new plot by Al Qaeda to blow up a US airliner by using an upgraded version of the failed underwear bomb from 2009. Proving that yes, even terrorists’ wives urge their husbands to get new underwear.

A new study finds that by the year 2030, 42 percent of the population will be obese. Hard to believe that in 18 years, our country is finally going to be less obese.

In an attempt to prove that John Travolta was not in California at the time a masseur claims the actor sexually harassed him, lawyers on Wednesday presented to TMZ a receipt from a Chinese restaurant in New York. The bad news: Travolta is now being accused by General Tso.

Swimmer Michael Phelps announced this past weekend that after the London Olympics he will retire from swimming. From now on…only business suit Speedos.

A high school in Georgia has 12 sets of twins that are graduating this year. Or so says the new principal, Erwin Cross-Eyed Cavanaugh.

A Nebraska man has legally changed his name to Tyrannosaurus Rex. But his friends still call him Brontosaurus Moron.

Two Polish architects have created a house in Australia that was intentionally designed to be upside down. Polish architects: good at creativity; bad at fighting stereotypes.

According to new research, dinosaur flatulence could have put enough methane into the atmosphere to warm the planet during the Mesozoic era. Which kinda explains the strange cave art of early man blaming the dog.

Tim Tebow changed his dog’s name from Bronco to Bronx. The only religious dog that changes more is “dogma”.

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