Writings

Newt Gingrich said that he was taking an “intelligent” gamble by skipping the Arizona and Michigan primaries this week to instead focus on next week’s Super Tuesday primaries. Experts disagree that he’s an intelligent gambler, however, because he should have quit when he was ahead.

Mitt Romney on Tuesday narrowly beat Rick Santorum in the Michigan primary 41 percent to 38 percent. They both agreed that if this race got any tighter, it would be underwear.

Vatican officials said this week that Pope Benedict will launch a Twitter account and tweet once a day throughout Lent. It may be the only time the Catholic Church gets anywhere close to what’s trending.

President Obama on Tuesday spoke to a group of United Auto Workers and pledged to buy a Chevy Volt whenever he leaves office. So what then…they should vote for the other guy?

After narrowly winning the Michigan primary on Tuesday, Mitt Romney said, “We didn’t win by a lot but we won by enough.” It’s his most inspirational quote since, “Let’s just try and not suck.”

A couple in Canada got married this Wednesday on Leap Day. “Congratulations!” said the only other guy who has sex once every four years.

A man in Iowa was named the Beer drinker of the Year after he fasted for 46 days on just water and a home-brewed beer. In other words, a man in Iowa was a Freshman for half a semester.

A new law has been proposed in Arizona that would allow parents access to their children’s text messages without having to get a court order. They will, however, need to get a translator.

A barista from Brooklyn, New York won this week’s North East Regional Barista Competition and will now move on to the national competition, where she’s expected to win by a latte.

A new study suggests that taste and sound are intimately linked. Thus presenting a world of marketing opportunities for Meatloaf.

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