Writings

A new report shows that nearly 2 million registered voters are actually dead. Or in political speak…in a very blue state.

A Pekingese named Malachy was named Best in Show at this year’s Westminster Dog Show. His owner received a silver cup, along with a reminder not to get him wet and to never, ever feed him after midnight.

A number of colleges around the country have started offering classes about the Occupy movement. To be accurate, the student at the top of the class will be resented by the remaining 99 percent.

A college student in Kansas found more than 400 dollars worth of cocaine in a used text book she ordered online. Which explains how she completed two semesters of work in just under three hours.

The new Mob Museum opened this week in Las Vegas and chronicles the history of the Mafia. But if you go, remember…you didn’t see nuttin.

A new museum opened this week in Croatia called the Museum of Broken Relationships, which contains artifacts from disastrous break-ups. In other words, Croatia opened a Hard Rock Cafe.

Officials with the Academy Awards said this week that Uggie, the dog from the movie The Artist, will not be appearing at the awards show or walking the red carpet with the other stars. They defended their decision, saying that all brown-nosing should be left to the professionals.

A new report shows that last year airlines got 99 percent of passengers’ luggage to their proper destination on time. The other 1 percent went to a wedding in Crocs.

A man in Las Vegas this week suffered a heart attack while eating a “triple bypass burger” at the Heart Attack Grill. With that kind of truth in advertising, business is booming at the Threeway Cafe.

The White House said Wednesday that President Obama has become a big fan of New York Knicks sensation Jeremy Lin. Some say it’s because he loves to give 110 percent.

Researchers have begun working on therapy apps that can provide people with relief for common psychological problems such as anxiety and depression. It’s called Beers with Friends.

Insiders are saying that a new Cola war may break out between Coke and Pepsi with Pepsi planning 600 million dollars in the next year on marketing. Of course with that price tag, it’s more of a Cola Spat.

Newt Gingrich’s campaign on Tuesday announced the formation of his “Faith Coalition,” which consists of people who will advise him on issues pertaining to life, marriage and religious liberty. Or as he calls them, “Foreign Policy”.

A company in Ohio offers a service in which couples can charter a small airplane and join the mile-high club. Scoring big over Cleveland: it’s not just for sports teams anymore.

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