Writings

Newt Gingrich said this week that he was “Romney-boated” in Iowa with the immense amount of negative ads that were run against him. Thankfully, nobody was HermanCain-boated, which entails getting poked by his dinghy.

Jim Bob Duggar, the father of the 19 member family from the TLC reality show, endorses Rick Santorum for President. That’s unless Santorum does something Duggar has never considered and pulls out.

Herman Cain said this week that if a Republican wins the Presidency he would consider being Secretary of Defense. In response, the candidates said they would consider asking Herman Cain to not hold his breath.

NBC this week launched a new 24 hour sports network called NBC Sports. NBC said it got the idea after fans kept watching The Biggest Loser expecting to see the New York Mets.

While campaigning in Iowa, Rick Santorum has received a lot of attention for the sleeveless, V-neck sweater vests he always wears. And by attention, we mean wedgies.

Kirstie Alley on New Year’s Day launched a “100 Days of Dance” program, in which she will encourage people to dance for 100 consecutive days to lose weight. So you may want to move out til April if you live in the apartment below.

A new brothel is being opened in Nevada in which people can have sex with prostitutes dressed up as science fiction characters. It’s perfect for sci-fi fans who want to have sex, and for prostitutes who want them to finish in warp speed.

In an effort to improve fans’ experiences at the New Jersey Nets new Brooklyn arena, the owners have hired Walt Disney personnel to give Nets employees the same training given to Magic Kingdom employees. It will be the first time ever that a news release will feature the words “New Jersey” and “The Happiest Place on Earth”.

A group of new studies suggest that people who keep their New Year’s Resolutions to themselves are more likely to keep them. Read this and other facts in the new book “Nobody Cares About Your Diet Plans”.

An ape at a reserve in Iowa has learned how to light a fire and cook hamburgers. Even more creepy: every ten minutes he asks his son to fetch him another beer.

Steelers were fighting through a ton of injuries on Sunday. Ben Roethlisberger was limping so much, he looked like Nancy Kerrigan in cleats.

The Steelers locker room was one ticked off jock away from automatically summoning a Kardashian.

The Falcons only scored 2 points. They tried to score more points but failed miserably. They’re the Rick Perrys of the NFL.

Next week will feature New Orleans vs San Francisco. Or as Pat Robertson calls it…Sodom vs Gomorrah.

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