Writings

SNL Jokes for Dec 17


December 18th, 2011

A church in New Zealand has put up a controversial new billboard that features the Virgin Mary holding a positive home pregnancy test. Controversial or not, it’s really good PR for the Bethlehem Walgreens.The

Obama 2012 campaign is being criticized for asking contributors to send in the email addresses of their Republican friends. Making the President the first in history to have an account on Linked In.

Mitt Romney on Wednesday began attacking front-runner Newt Gingrich by calling him “zany.” In other words, Romney said, “I know who’s buying all those Secret Santa presents from Spencer Gifts.”

Police in Germany are searching for a man dressed as Santa Claus, who is handing out shots of Schnapps to people at a market. The APB said, “Attention all units, be on the lookout for the coolest Santa ever!”

A Rabbi in New York said he is concerned that if Tim Tebow wins the Super Bowl, Christians will go on a rampage burning mosques and attacking homosexuals. Which explains why his yarmulke is now a cheesehead.

A well-preserved tooth of a Tyrannosaurus rex was sold at auction this week for more than 56,000 dollars. The buyer was anonymous, but paid for it in all quarters under a giant pillow.

It has been rumored that after Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter has a one-night stand with a woman, he sends her home with an autographed baseball. Even more demeaning: if he regrets the evening, he also writes “E-6”.

A store in Upstate New York has brought back a popular local Christmas tradition, Eggbert, a Plexiglas egg with eyes and lips that says a child’s name when they take Christmas pictures with him. “Dear Santa, please re-read my ‘egg with life’ request. Yours truly, Jennifer Aniston.”

According to new research it only takes a person 20 seconds to decide if someone is lying. In other news, decisions on craigslist are apparently made in 19 seconds.

Time Magazine this week selected “The Protester” as their 2011 Person of the Year. In a twist of irony, all the other candidates protested the decision.

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