Writings

SNL Jokes for Dec 10


December 13th, 2011

According to a new study only 2.5 percent of teenagers admit to sexting or emailing naked images of themselves online. “Yay! That means most teenagers are potential customers!” said a very desperate US Postal Service.

It was revealed this week that Newt Gingrich is a member of an exclusive golf club in Virginia owned by Donald Trump. It’s good news for supporters, who now have proof that Gingrich can play it where it lies and not wind up divorced.

Former Vice President Dan Quayle on Tuesday endorsed Mitt Romney for President. Romney responded like you do when you open a self-knitted sweater from your aunt…“Oh, wow…um, thannnnks. I reeeeally wanted this. Is there a gift receipt?”

An 85 year-old woman this week became the second elderly woman to come forward and say that she was subjected to a humiliating strip search by the TSA at New York’s JFK airport. The TSA apologized and said they should have known they would see her breasts when they asked her to remove her shoes.

A new study suggests that people can tell whether another person is outgoing, anxious or dominant by their scent. Which helps determine how much to tip them when they stop the cab.

According to new proposed federal health guidelines people who have had sex with two or more partners in the past year may be considered too risky to become organ donors. Just in case you needed one more reason to not want Charlie Sheen’s liver.

Toyota this week started selling its Scion iQ, which is billed as the world’s smaller four-seater car. In other words, Toyota’s number one demographic is no longer the American family.

A new survey shows that dog people are more likely to consider Paul McCartney their favorite Beatle, while cat people prefer George Harrison. Ironically, walrus people like Ringo.

Tonight is the annual New York City “SantaCon,” in which people dress up as Santa Claus and go on a bar crawl through the Village. No one knows who started SantaCon, but it was not the guy checking IDs.

It was announced Monday that Madonna will perform at this year’s Super Bowl halftime show and is working with the creative team from Cirque du Soleil. Super Bowl fans are excited to see such a death-defying act, and even more excited that she’ll be performing with Cirque du Soleil.

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