Writings

During the threat of Hurricane Irene, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie visited evacuees at Rutgers University. And then he ate them.

Hurricane Irene moved close to New York City but didn’t stay long. Meteorologists credit cooler waters and incredibly high rent.

A raid of a Mexican drug gang uncovered 3.4 tons of pure meth. Wow, a raid on a Mexican drug gang uncovered Missouri?

They’re remaking the movie Footloose. Vegas is giving 2-1 odds that the anti-fun reverend will be played by Michelle Bachman.

In an email sent to supporters, President Obama said he is “frustrated”. Which I believe is the political equivalent of sending the Batman signal to Monica Lewinsky.

In his new book, Dick Cheney points the finger at Condaleeza Rice and Colin Powell. In his defense, said former President Bush, he probably just wants them to pull it.

A magnitude 4.2 earthquake rumbled through Los Angeles earlier this week. Experts believe with that size, a fault line must have been directly hit by Kim Kardashian’s ass.

Millions of people on the east coast are still without power. “Lucky bastards,” said everyone else who saw Maryland’s new football uniforms.

Notre Dame Stadium was evacuated twice on Saturday because of lightning. In other words, fans had THREE reasons to leave the game early.

An elusive Moammar Ghaddafi told rebels that he and loyalists are “not like women”. I assume this means that he flees the country, he won’t pull over and ask for directions.

Michelle Bachman joked that the earthquake and hurricane in Washington DC were “God’s warning”. Obama supporters laughed it off, saying, “The President’s dad has nothing to do with this.”

An activist in India ended his 12-day hunger strike. Someone must have finally offered him something besides Indian food.

In the past few weeks, there have been a record number of lottery tickets purchased. Sounds like they’re starting to sell lottery tickets in the unemployment line.

Following London’s example, more airports may experiment with lie detector technology. Or as politicians call it… “unfair profiling”.

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