Writings

The NFL returned to the field this weekend. Either that or all the grunting and hard-hitting was from another Republican debate.

Viewers said that while watching the Republican debate, they got such a splitting migraine, they can now sympathize with Michelle Bachman.

Michelle Bachman won the Iowa straw poll. She was so happy, Newsweek refused to use any of her celebration photos.

Some say the Newsweek cover of Michelle Bachman makes her look too mean. Bachman doesn’t want anyone to see it, which is why she’s thrilled it’s on the cover of Newsweek.

Many people are describing the US political system as “dysfunctional”. Since some of those people are Lindsay Lohan’s family, it’s very very serious.

After days of looting and riots, Britain is returning to normal. Which is a nice way of saying they’re back to exporting pictures of Pippa’s butt.

The US military has licensed a new cologne. Just in case soldiers need extra cover when we invade Abercrombie and Fitch.

It was revealed that Kim Kardashian has over 9 million followers on Twitter. Having so many followers after never having done anything, many think she’s ready for Congress.

There was a massive turkey recall last week. No, Tea Party, that doesn’t mean Obama was impeached.

Women in a small town in Colombia succeeded in getting a local highway paved by withholding sex from their husbands. Let’s remember this before the next debt ceiling crisis, Mrs. Boehner.

Pete Rose said he deserves to get back into baseball because gambling isn’t as bad as using steroids. And he’s giving 5 to 1 odds that Barry Bonds agrees.

Recent studies claim that eating too much fast food may actually make people addicted to it. Dear Ronald McDonald, I know a good lawyer. Yours truly, Joe Camel.

A man in Washington state tried to evade police dogs by dousing himself with excrement. He succeeded, until cops saw a cat trying to cover up the world’s biggest turd.

Fifteen percent of Americans used food stamps in May. The real story here…that’s more than the number of people who used actual stamps.

A new study claims that crying will not make you feel better. In other words, Obamacare will not reimburse you for buying onions.

Disney Studio’s production of the Lone Ranger movie has been shut down. They felt that with precious metals being so valuable now, they could make more money selling his horse.

Some Democrats have called the Tea Party “economic terrorists”. Great. With that label, it’s only a matter of time until you can’t walk into a bank without taking off your shoes first.

President Obama launched a bus tour through the Midwest. It seems the economy is so bad, even the President is taking Greyhound.

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