Writings

England is preparing for the Royal wedding. To get America interested, they invited Charlie Sheen to the reception.

A jet carrying Michelle Obama came too close to a military plane while attempting to land at a DC airport. The First Lady didn’t complain, but she did call the pilot’s kids fat.

Geoffrey Mutai won the Boston Marathon in 2 hours and 3 minutes. It was a shock, because normally the only things moving through Boston that fast are Red Sox fans towards the exits.

The lawsuit claiming that Taco Bell doesn’t use real beef has been dropped. The class action attorneys said they would drop the suit if Taco Bell agreed to appropriately call every combo “the #2”.

Cincinnati Reds pitcher Mike Leake was arrested for shoplifting. He didn’t think he’d get caught stealing, because he thought the security guard was a catcher for the Mets.

The NFL continues to call it a “lock out”. Panthers fans continue to call it “The Mercy Rule”.

Airlines are now required by law to reimburse bag fees if luggage is lost. Now when you fly Delta, flight attendants automatically hand out peanuts and $50 dollar bills.

Jerry Seinfeld backed out of Donald Trump’s charity show because of comments Trump made about President Obama. It’s probably safe to say that he will also back out of a Michael Richards charity show.

The President held a town hall meeting with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. Audience members asked Obama about his falling popularity, which explains why they’re now calling him “President MySpace”.

It’s been one year since the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. According to Jiffy Lube experts, Louisiana is now 9 months overdue for another one.

Friday was Earth Day. Donald Trump celebrated by accusing the planet of not being born in the solar system.

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