Writings

President Obama said that he’s thinking hard about Wisconsin. Which means he picked the Badgers to reach the Sweet 16.

The White House said “it was very appropriate” for the President to fill out a basketball tournament bracket. Asking Dick Vitale to be press secretary for March? Not so much.

Life expectancy in the U.S. is now at 78.2 years. It would have been 90, but Charlie Sheen is ruining the curve.

Charlie Sheen is helping the Japan relief. For every ticket sold for his tour, he is pledging one dollar. Or as he calls it, “one fancy nose straw”.

Charlie Sheen has announced five new stops on his tour. And you thought the Crazy Train ran on the express track.

Charlie Sheen’s tour is called “Violent Torpedo of Truth / Defeat Is Not an Option” Tour. Apparently calling it “Train Wreck” was confusing people who wanted to see that Denzel Washington movie.

Scientists at NASA said the massive earthquake in Japan shortened the Earth’s day by more than one-millionth of a second. And you thought you were done changing all your clocks by one hour.

Donald Trump may run for President. He must have misunderstood. When people asked him for hope and change, they were talking about his haircut.

Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi warned rebels, “There are only two possibilities: surrender or run away.” I think he quit fighting and is now writing catchphrases for Steven Segal movie posters.

Moammar Gadhafi’s troops continue to pummel their opposition. Maybe the rebels should stop reading the Detroit Lion playbook.

New recordings from Barry Bonds have surfaced, and he sounds pissed. Probably because they were taken at a drive-thru at 10:35 AM, and they stop serving breakfast steroid biscuits at 10:30.

NFL players said they’re trying to maintain a sense of normalcy. So apparently Brett Favre is going to un-retire again.

Anti-smoking advocates are upset that the new animated movie “Rango” is full of characters who smoke. If kids are influenced by a cartoon chameleon and his talking lizard friends, maybe nicotine isn’t the drug we should be concerned with.

Prosecutors in Italy claim that Premier Silvio Berlusconi paid for sex 13 times with an underage Moroccan teen. Now it’s only a matter of time before we see Chris Hansen of Dateline show up in Italy with a plate of cookies.

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