Writings

Voters across America were angry at sitting politicians, and they showed it the old fashioned way. Which I guess means that men yelled at the TV and women gave Washington the silent treatment.

Christine O’Donnell lost her bid for US Senator in Delaware. But she did receive a “Distinguished Alumni” award from Hogwarts. So there’s that.

Former wrestling CEO Linda McMahon lost her bid for US Senator in Connecticut. Her supporters aren’t that upset, however, because they think the whole thing is fake anyway.

Three American astronauts on the international space station voted while in orbit. It’s the first time anyone voted with their head in the clouds who wasn’t an incumbent Congressman.

Most voters said that the economy was the #1 issue for them at the ballot. Coming in a close second….deporting Charlie Sheen to Yemen.

The Giants won their first World Series since 1954. To put that in perspective, that was also the last time their pitching staff saw a barber.

With the Giants making a long run through the post-season, the stadium in San Francisco sold hundreds of thousands of dollars in hot dogs, popcorn, and cracker jacks. Maybe that’s what happened. People didn’t legalize pot because with those munchie numbers, voters thought Prop 19 had already passed.

NASA has delayed the launch of Discovery once because of an electrical issue and once because of weather. Maybe NASA is being secretly run by the DISH network.

The publisher of the National Enquirer has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Well that’s what the batboy told Brad Pitt’s divorce lawyer and Patrick Swayze’s ghost.

One of the rescued miners from Chile wants to run in the New York City marathon. He’s a man who spent a lot of time in a deep pit and managed to get out….which means the New York media will confuse him for one of the players the Mets are trading.

Many states are giving young people their own hunting season. Great. A bunch of grade schoolers with duck calls. Beautiful. You thought those World Cup vuvuzelas were annoying? You ain’t heard nothing. Just sayin.

Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from his third wife. He will soon have three X’s to match his girlfriend’s movie rating.

The rescued Chilean miner who is an avid Elvis fan has been invited to Graceland. He’s looking forward to seeing that there are indeed worse places to be trapped for 68 days. Seriously. If he put shag carpet on the dirt ceiling, that copper mine would look as good as the Jungle Room.

Many travelers say that new security pat-downs are invasive. But now former Senator Larry Craig has a reason to go back to the airport.

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