Writings

A poll shows that 7 out of 10 New Yorkers want the Ground Zero mosque to be built in a different location. Preferably where the Mets play.

An art dealer in New York City lost a $1.3 million painting while drunk on the town. Meanwhile, somewhere in Queens, there’s a stripper with an unusually big bulge in her G-string.

President Obama marked the end of combat operations in Iraq. But then he said, “You know how sometimes you go to a movie, and the credits start to roll and people start filing out thinking it’s over, but then more stuff comes on the screen and those people have to go back in? It’s probably going to be like that.”

President Obama welcomed Israeli and Arab leaders to the White House for another round of peace talks, reminding people everywhere what it was like that day in chemistry class when we thought acids and bases could mingle together.

Thousands of people flocked to Washington for the Glenn Beck rally. That headcount may have been influenced by the rumor that “Restoring Honor” was the name of the next Twilight movie.

A suicidal New York man jumped 40 stories but survived after landing on a car. He said next time, he’ll make it easier and just use a Toyota.

Bristol Palin will be featured on this season’s “Dancing With the Stars”. Producers decided to ask her after Levi Johnston told them “the girl just can’t say no”.

Roger Clemens entered a plea of “not guilty” at his arraignment Monday. Which means in a few months, he’ll be the first New York Yankee to wear pinstripes that are horizontal.

Michael Jordan’s underage son Marcus bragged on Twitter about partying at a strip club in Vegas. Well, he just bragged about being in Vegas, but his Twitter account was covered in glitter.

Bedbugs are now appearing in office spaces. Especially at FDA offices in charge of inspecting egg farms in Iowa, where employees like to sleep on the job.

The “vuvuzela”, the horn that gained prominence during the World Cup in South Africa, is now a word in the dictionary. It’s defined as a “plastic source of a sound that most people find annoying”, and only has one synonym: Lady Gaga.

Head & Shoulders is insuring Pittsburgh Steeler and product pitchman Troy Polamalu’s hair for $1 million in hopes that it stays healthy and clean. Which is the same reason why Rex Ryan’s mom wants to insure his mouth.

More and more exercise bikes are being designed to produce electricity. Which, judging by his robust frame, is a plan that only halfway pleases Al Gore.

In a recent poll, six in ten Americans do not believe Sarah Palin is fit to be President. Furthermore, four in ten Americans are not fit to be polled.

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