Writings

The last U.S. combat brigade left Iraq this week. The country apparently is indeed becoming Americanized — U.S. troops left after four douchey bouncers walked around yelling, “Let’s go! Drink ‘em up! You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here! Make your way to the exits, people!”

Dr. Laura is in hot water for using the “N-word” multiple times during a recent broadcast. Afterwards, in an unprecedented display of sportsmanship, Mel Gibson handed her his world record.

Rex Ryan has been caught on tape gratuitously using bad language. Judging by his choice of words, many believe he has been demoted from Jets coach to Jets fan.

Tiger Woods hasn’t won a major in over a year. Unless you count the Emmy he won on the hit show “Cheaters”.

The Little League World Series is under way in Pennsylvania, where many kids begin their dreams of being a big leaguer. They come together from all over the world to practice discipline, camaraderie, and how to lie to Congress.

Roger Clemens has been charged with lying to Congress. Leading many to believe that he’s now training with Charlie Rangle.

Roger Clemens, if proven guilty, may spend time in jail. Where he’ll say for the first time, “That’s not a syringe back there, is it?”

New Yorkers are still divided over the issue of a mosque at Ground Zero. Those opposed to it are so angry, they hired Rex Ryan to be their spokesperson.

Brett Favre is officially coming back for another year of football. He was going to post his announcement on Twitter, but his tweet was intercepted.

Jennifer Aniston used the word “retard” during an appearance on “Regis and Kelly”. Immediately afterwards, a shocked Kelly Ripa told her, “We’re the only ones who can call ourselves that.”

A recent poll shows that an increasing number of Americans believe President Obama is Muslim. It should be noted that the question was a bit confusing in how it was worded. It said, “Do you think President Obama is Muslim and do you have at least one fat kid?”

The new movie “Piranha 3-D” is set to hit theatres. It’s about a serious threat with teeth, so apparently it was not written by the United Nations.

WikiLeaks says they are prepared to release more secret Afghan War documents. In response, the Pentagon filed the documents under the social security number of that LifeLock guy.

Japan is trying to track down all of its citizens over 100 years old. Authorities are getting a lot of tips that say, “They’re all at TJ Maxx haggling over the price of socks.”

There’s a nationwide alert on salmonella in eggs. It’s spreading so fast, Cracker Barrel now offers sides of bacon, grits, or hand sanitizer.

Comments are closed.