Writings

An artist in Canada is creating porn for the blind by turning nude photos into raised images. An ungrateful blind community said, “How do you think we got like this in the first place?”

Record high pollen counts are giving Southeastern states the worst allergy season in years. For the next few months, nasally voices will no longer be limited to people who speak at Tea Party rallies.

The next Nuclear Security Summit is expected to be held in South Korea in 2012. Unless President Obama lobbies on their behalf, in which case it will go to Rio de Janeiro instead.

According to Kitty Kelly’s new biography on Oprah Winfrey, the talk show host dated and lived with John Tesh in the 1970s, but Tesh broke it off. The story is also revealed in Tesh’s autobiography entitled, “What the Hell Was I Thinking?!”

President Obama revealed his ambitious space exploration plans that include landing on an asteroid. He got the idea after hearing there was something in our stratosphere that wasn’t taxed.

Tiger Woods was caught on camera using profanity during the Masters. Nike will now air a commercial that features audio of his mom washing his mouth out with soap.

A new survey shows that almost half of all women can be put in a bad mood when they have a bad hair day. “Well that explains a lot,” said Jon Gosselin.

Breaking a previous record, a man in Wyoming endured getting 1501 body piercings for nearly five hours. Even more painful–being the guy behind him at airport security.

A teenager in Iowa has created a dress for her high school prom made out of gum wrappers. It’s the first time in history that a prom dress started out under the bleachers.

A reptile expert says that he has discovered a new species of lesbian lizards in Vietnam that reproduce by pretending to mate, causing them to ovulate and lay eggs. He truly knew they were lesbian, however, after watching male lizards invite them to play on their softball team.

A new study suggests that being bored may shorten people’s life spans. As a result of the findings, experts are advising Americans to prepare their wills before watching the World Cup.

The above jokes were also submitted to Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update.

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