Writings

On Wednesday Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi delivered a rambling speech to the UN General Assembly in which he called President Obama “my son”. Afterwards, making his first ever appearance before the UN, out came Maury Povich.

First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a dinner for the wives of the G-20 leaders. Take note, Qaddafi, when a group of women say you talk too much, take it down a notch.

A restaurant in Washington, D.C. has a new item on its menu named after Michelle Obama – the “Michelle Melt” is an organic turkey burger with an array of unique toppings. And in honor of her husband, her kids and grandkids will be asked to pay for it.

With the G-20 Summit in town, stores in Pittsburgh boarded up their windows as demonstrators arrived opposing government bailouts. Parts of the city looked so deserted, most demonstrators thought they were actually in Detroit.

Since the G-20 Summit is in town, Pittsburgh has nearly 4,000 police, 2,000 national guard troops and 11 coastguard vessels on standby. With so much added security, many residents thought Pittsburgh was finally getting an NBA team.

Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, were arrested in Texas yesterday after they left a hotel without paying a $10,000 bill. They actually paid for their room, but just forgot they gave the mini-bar key to David Hasselhoff for an hour.

A new HD-TV was unveiled this weekend that is 100 inches in size and has 3-D capabilities. Its name? “The Panasonic Divorce Maker”.

Researchers off the coast of California discovered a new species of shark – whose males have a penis on their foreheads. Scientists will call it, “The Ahmadinejad”.

The College Football Hall of Fame will move from South Bend, Indiana to Atlanta, Georgia in 2010. How did Atlanta get the honors? One thing’s for sure, it wasn’t through a playoff.

A woman in Indonesia gave birth to a 19.2-pound baby boy this week, an incredibly large child. Who says other countries don’t want to be like America?

“The Wizard of Oz” will return to movie theaters tomorrow in a new, digitally enhanced version to mark its 70th anniversary. Wow, 70 years ago the scarecrow was looking for a brain. Now, he’s looking for some kind of insurance to cover it.

Curt Schilling announced he will not run for Senate.  But Roger Clemens plans to lie to him anyway.

Autumn officially began this week.  In case you forget, President Obama will probably make an appearance on the Weather Channel for an interview.

World Carfree Day was this week – which encouraged people to walk, bike and use public transportation instead of their cars.  In other words, World Carfree Day is just like the job market.

President Obama hosted a meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas – to lay groundwork for Mideast peace.  To prove that anything is possible, he showed them a replay of the Mets winning a game.

“Guiding Light” aired its final episode last week – after a run of 72-years.  CBS calls it “amazing”.  Larry King calls them, “Quitters”.

The above were also submitted to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, the National Lampoon Sports Minute, and Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update.

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