Writings

The Mormon Church released its own edition of a Spanish-language Bible this week. The Mormon Bible….now another example of Mexican immigrants reading things most Americans won’t read.

New York marked the end of the 400th anniversary celebration of Captain Henry Hudson’s arrival on the shores of Manhattan. His family noted that he would have gotten here 410 years ago, but some jackass in Long Island gave him crappy directions.

President Obama is really eager to get a new health care bill passed.  So much so, he’s asked Serena Williams to threaten Congress.

Kim Clijsters won the U.S. Open and became the first mother to win a tennis major since 1980. Her motherly instincts were on display in the semi-finals, when instead of threatening a line judge like Serena did, she just counted to 2-and-a-half and sent him to timeout.

A woman in China paid nearly 600,000 dollars this week for a Tibetan mastiff, making it the world’s most expensive lunch.

President Obama appealed to the Olympic Committee to make Chicago the host of the 2016 Olympics, saying “If you choose Chicago, I promise you this – Chicago will make America proud, and America will make the world proud.”

“Especially Amsterdam!”  said Michael Phelps.

New York Congressman Anthony Weiner compared President Obama’s pursuit of a bipartisan health care bill to “a child looking for a unicorn.”  The President said that’s crazy.  A child looking for the Mets in the World Series, maybe.

While guest hosting “The View”, Kate Gosselin admitted that she had “a meltdown” over the weekend.  Which is like Paula Abdul saying, “The other day, I sipped a wine cooler.”

“Gossip Girl” had its season three premiere on the CW this week.  I heard from the sister of the best friend of a girl who works with someone who watched it that it was pretty good.

Amy Winehouse reportedly earned more than $30,000 to perform at a Greek wedding in England.  Well, her check was for $5,000, but she drank 25,000 of added value at the open bar.

Harrison Ford confirmed that he, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are agreed on what the fifth “Indiana Jones” movie will be about.  After seeing the last one, though, I hope that Indy fights Alzheimer’s in the next movie, and they just remake the “Temple of Doom”.

Researchers in New Zealand discovered the fossils of an eagle that lived 500 years ago – and used to eat humans.  Amazing…an Eagle that’s more crazy violent than Michael Vick.

Dan Brown’s newest book, “The Lost Symbol,” hit stores this week.  It’s supposed to be a big hit with parents, because it’s basically a decoder for teenager text message abbreviations.

The above were also submitted to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update.

Leave a Reply