Writings

In a recent blog post, Meghan McCain, the 24 year-old daughter of John McCain, writes that she does not want to date men who voted for Obama, but is repulsed by men who are obsessive supporters of her father.  Which is why she basically just sits at home and Twitters herself.

New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine said he plans to sign a bill that would legalize medical marijuana in the state.  Residents will know it's in effect when all of a sudden, Bon Jovi becomes cool. 

New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg on Tuesday renamed part of West 53rd Street "U2 Way" in tribute to the rock group. Coincidentally, New York Governor David Paterson declared the new state motto to be "I still haven't found what I'm looking for." 

The Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors on Tuesday is expected to issue a proclamation declaring the first week in March to be "No Cussing Week".  Which means during the first week in March, nobody in Los Angeles is allowed to watch the Clippers.

Atlas Sports Genetics is selling a home-analysis kit that allows parents to test if their child is genetically predisposed to have sports ability.  Unfortunately, testing is on hold because the kit has yet to be approved by the Little League Players Union.

Britney Spears' new "Circus" concert tour opened Tuesday night in New Orleans.  She was going to call it "Under the Big Top" but that title was already taken by the Jessica Simpson tour.  

According to new research, children rated as impulsive by their kindergarten teachers appear more likely to begin gambling behaviors like playing cards or placing bets before they reach middle school.  Parents say that's absurd, but did admit that the over/under on their kids' eighth grade weight stands at 240 pounds.

This Tuesday, which was 3/3/09, was Square Root Day and will not occur again until April 4, 2016.  In other news, the phrase "Nobody cares" is not a palindrome.

According to new research, children who watch TV longer than two hours a day have twice the risk of developing asthma.  The good news…the asthmatic kid who runs the audio/visual equipment in your kid's high school really knows his stuff.

Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together.  And Adam Sandler approached them about making a sequel to "Punch Drunk Love"

Iran officials are demanding an apology from Hollywood for the films "The Wrestler" and "300".  Not to mention a promise that the Jonas Brothers won't be a part of the 71 virgins they'll meet in heaven.

Most of the above are now a part of the National Lampoon Sports Minute, The Complete Sheet, and submitted to Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.

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