Writings

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal angered the science community when he questioned the appropriation of federal funds for volcano research.  Especially when he said, "Just throw up some half-ass levees and be done with it, for crying out loud."

The cartoon "Life in Hell" is being dropped by its flagship paper, "LA Weekly", after a 22-year run.  The editor said that after visiting a Chuck E Cheese on a Saturday afternoon, he felt that the comic strip did not accurately depict what Hell was truly like. 

Gwyneth Paltrow is being criticized by "The New York Times" for her website.  And by BET for losing that sexy fat suit from "Shallow Hal"

"Watchmen" director Zack Snyder said the movie is a lot like his other hit "300".  Primarily because that's how old the average fans will be when they finally get a date.

A woman is suing Morgan Freeman for the car crash in Mississippi.  And for annoyingly narrating her stay in the hospital. 

 

Stevie Wonder told Barack Obama that he was very proud of the his historic victory and felt honored to be in his presence.  Then the President walked in the room and asked why he was talking to a ficus plant. 

Michelle Obama announced that the family's first dog will arrive in April.  And so will a letter from House Republicans that says, "We love bipartisanship!  …. April Fool's!"

Jerry Seinfeld will work with NBC on a reality series that tries to help squabbling married couples.  It's called "Men Can't Put Toilet Paper on the Roll the Same Way Women Do, I Mean Come On What's the Deal?"

Some insiders say that Chicago Bears coach Lovie Smith is on the hot seat.  The biggest indicator was when the team began referring to him as just plain Likey Smith. 

Celtics guard Gabe Pruitt was arrested on suspicion of DUI in Los Angeles.  Police knew he was drunk because he was headed to watch the Clippers.

Marquette's Dominic James is out for the year with a broken foot.  Wisconsin hasn't been this upset since hearing someone say, "Now starting…Aaron Rodgers."

Advertisers are very excited that Tiger Woods is back.  Similarly… Cheetos, Little Debbie snack cakes, and Froot Loops are thrilled that Michael Phelps isn't. 

*Most of the above are now a part of the National Lampoon Sports Minute and The Complete Sheet.

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