Writings

A new study provides evidence that obesity can sometimes be caught like the common cold.  As a result of the findings, scientists are now encouraging people to stock up on Vitamin C if they plan to visit Wisconsin. 

A court in California has ruled that a Christian school can expel two girls for having a lesbian relationship.  The boys at the school reacted to the ruling by flying the bulges in their khakis at half mast. 

 

A mistrial was declared in a San Diego courtroom when a defendant smeared feces on his lawyer and then flung excrement at the jury box.  This doesn't bode well for the next case on the docket…The People vs. Curious George.

The number one movie at the box office this weekend was "Paul Blart: Mall Cop," which made 21 million dollars. Critics, however, say it's unrealistic because it falsely depicts today's malls as having shoppers.

Iceland's coalition government collapsed Monday, officially switching itself from "cubed" to "crushed".

The White House on Monday suffered an e-mail breakdown.  But the good news . . . The government could possibly expect a nice stimulus check from a Nigerian prince.

Actress Molly Ringwald is writing a new book about life as a 40-something, which analysts predict is approximately thirty-something more than the projected number of readers. 

In an interview with "People Magazine", Paris Hilton said that she's not stupid.  At which point Sarah Palin said, "What's People Magazine?"

Director John Landis is suing Michael Jackson for fraud for not paying him his full share of the profits from the music video "Thriller".  Michael Jackson and fraud?  Fraud?  Is anyone else conjuring up images of Al Capone in court for tax evasion?

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is pregnant.  She thinks it's going to be male, because the rest of "The View" already hates it. 

An Australian Open doubles match featuring Venus and Serena Williams was interrupted Friday by a male streaker.  The man was apprehended and charged with a double fault, since both balls were out. 

Katie Stam of Indiana fought off laryngitis to win the Miss America crown.  Ironically, her illness helped her win, as the male judges thought a girl who couldn't talk was really hot!

Officials for the New York Mets said season ticket sales are doing well for the new ballpark.  Probably because they convinced buyers that games will only be six innings and the season will end in August. 

Most of the above are now a part of the National Lampoon Sports Minute, The Complete Sheet, and submitted to Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.

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