Writings

Ringo Starr has told fans to stop sending letters and requests for autographs.  To make sure they oblige, he's changing his name to the New York Knicks. 

A man in San Francisco was arrested when he stormed into a law office with a phony bomb strapped to his chest because he had been turned down to appear on  “The Price is Right.”  As part of his plea bargain, his bond will be set in next week's Showcase Showdown. 

A teacher in Vacaville, CA underwent transgender surgery to become a man and in the process upset a lot of parents.  Not to mention the English department whenever she expresses pride over her new "dangling participle". 

Fire crews in England had to pull a pony out of a pool after he ate too many fermented apples, causing him to get drunk and fall in.  Officials initially discovered the pony was drunk after he mistakenly ass dialed them on his cell phone.

The first commercial cell phone call in the US was made 25 years ago this week.  Also born this week . . . The line "I'm going through a tunnel" as an excuse to get off the phone.

Tim McGraw apologized to fans for releasing another greatest hits album.  Billy Ray Cyrus did the same, because he should have put the word "hits" in quotation marks. 

Various authorities say that most of Alabama is about to go bankrupt.  But some locals are more optimistic, saying the bathtub of meth is half full, not half empty. 

Police on Tuesday shut down one of the largest spam email operations in the world.  Authorities have to admit that at first, it was only an average-sized email operation, but it grew considerably after taking some of those awesome enhancement pills. 

The Tampa Rays are selling tickets to the nosebleed seats at Tropicana Field.  But fans who sit there are warned. . . You'll be so far away from the action, people may think you're the Mets. 

The Stanley Cup champion Red Wings were honored at the White House.  President Bush showed his appreciation by placing goalie Chris Osgood between himself and the media. 

More and more Bengals fans are selling away their tickets online. And more and more financial advisors are begging them to stop bringing down the value of the Internet.

Most of the above jokes are now a part of the National Lampoon Sports Minute, the Complete Sheet, and submitted to Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.

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