Writings

Baskin-Robbins has introduced political ice cream flavors, with the Obama flavor being "Whirl of Change" and the McCain flavor called "Straight Talk Crunch".  Orders for third-party flavors will also be taken, and then thrown away. 

John McCain touted his bi-partisanship by vowing to put Democrats in his cabinet.  And after seeing Sarah Palin, Bill Clinton was the first to pass along his resume.

Vice President Dick Cheney said there is nothing that will stop Sarah Palin from doing her job.  Unless of course she at some point goes hunting with him. 

Action figure versions of the Presidential candidates and their running mates are now being sold on the internet. It's a crucial time for it too, since G.I. Joe is still deployed and the banks foreclosed on the Barbie Dream House.

A couple in England has been reunited with their missing cat after nine years.  Turns out this whole time, he was at the dentist's office.

The band Yes will tour with a replacement singer.  Still wanted, however . . . replacement fans. 

Scientists in Switzerland attempted to simulate the Big Bang that theoretically created the universe.  And when it was over, Paris Hilton once again assumed she was at the center of it. 

Tim Berners-Lee, the British man who invented the worldwide web said he has a problem with the graphics feature on Microsoft Internet Explorer.  So Bill Gates had him killed. 

After he missed a parade marking the anniversary of North Korea, many are speculating that Kim Jong Il has suffered a stroke.  Or he's trapped under the weight of his giant glasses. 

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, the NFL's reigning MVP, will be out for the season after he injured his left knee.  The team is so somber, Bill Belichick is wearing his black hobo sweatshirt.

Titans quarterback Vince Young wandered away from home after becoming despondent following a recent game.  Friends said he was terribly upset, not because the fans booed him, but because he had Tom Brady on his fantasy team.

 

Many of the above jokes are now a part of the National Lampoon Sports Minute and The Complete Sheet.

 

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