Writings

Weather reports show Tropical Storm Fay is still hanging around Florida.  My guess is that it's stuck behind a lady in the left lane, doing about 35. 

Many Republicans are advising John McCain to not pick a pro-choice running mate.  Ironically, back in February, most of them were advising him to abort his campaign. 

Major League Baseball has announced it will use instant replay, but only for home runs.  Which means it will not review any M. Night Shyamalan movies. 

Miley Cyrus plans to celebrate her 16th birthday at Disneyland.  Where her dad Billy Ray can get her free funnel cakes and tilt-a-whirl tickets with his employee ID badge. 

Hillary Clinton is playing a crucial role at the Democratic convention.  So crucial, she now knows what it's like to be Michigan and Florida. 

Jessica Simpson will be a spokesperson for the Stampede Brewing Company in Dallas.  Interesting choice, since most Cowboy fans grab whiskey after she ruins their Super Bowl dreams.  

Most incoming college freshmen say they regularly use a GPS unit.  And maybe when they're getting hazed, they can use one to locate their dignity. 

Newly hatched turtles lost their way to the sea and walked into an Italian restaurant.  And the Olive Garden wait staff marveled at how fast they were.

Everybody is chiming in on Russian troops leaving Georgia.  Well almost everybody.  John Edwards admitted that he doesn't know much about pulling out. 

U.S. officials have expressed concern that Russia is reverting to its old Soviet ways.  Which explains why President Bush is pleading with Rocky to fight Ivan Drago again. 

Michael Phelps is already getting hounded for endorsement opportunities.  Not to mention swimming lessons from the sinking New York Yankees.

The remains of a 1948 plane crash victim were finally identified.  And for $50 extra, Delta says his family can have him back. 

The Bengals are close to bringing back troubled wide receiver Chris Henry.  It was made official when they gave the local police a down payment on bail money. 

Major League Baseball will implement instant replay.  Most baseball fans are for it . . . not to change outcomes, but so annoying Yankee fans can watch their season implode over and over again. 

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