Writings

Drug companies are giving more to Democrats than Republicans . . . Hillary Clinton will now ask Pfizer to give Viagra to her delegate count.

A biotech company in California plans to clone dogs. A spokesperson said that if this catches on, Kentucky may turn polygamist.

Todd Davis, the pitchman for LifeLock, had his identity stolen. He found out when he heard Carlos Mencia doing his commercials.

A court ruled that Texas welfare officials had no right to take children away from the polygamist ranch. It was going to rule in favor of the state, but then they watched the intro to "Little House on the Prairie" where that little girl falls down while running in the field, and well, darn it . . . bonnet girls are just downright adorable.

Experts are predicting nine Atlantic Ocean hurricanes in 2008. It was going to be 15, but gas prices are keeping some hurricanes from traveling this year.

Larry King interviewed Ryan Seacrest this week. One question was answered right off the bat . . . Yes, CNN can indeed fit a whole studio set inside a closet.

Airlines are getting word that passenger satisfaction is at an all-time low. They actually should have gotten the word last month, but the word was placed on the wrong plane and shipped to a different airport, then held up before being re-routed in the wrong direction two more times.

Kiefer Sutherland is officially divorced. He said he loves his wife, but if he ever wants to promote torture on "24", he'll make terrorists get married.

A man attacked by a grizzly bear thought for sure the animal was eating his brain . But then he played dead by telling his brain to act like Jessica Simpson's.

"Prince Caspian", the sequel to "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe", is getting great reviews. Especially in Detroit, because this Lion actually knows how to win.

Boy band creator Lou Pearlman was sentenced to 25 years in prison. Where ironically, inmates love giving people the "Lance Bass treatment".

Home game programmer Wii is taking exercise activities like running and jumproping and making them video games to get people active. I was going to put a punchline here but laziness is apparently all the rage.

Jessica Alba says she plans on being a tough mother . . .For example, instead of spanking her kids when they misbehave, she'll just make them watch "The Fantastic Four".

Six Flags opened a Batman-themed roller coaster. Designers swear that it's fail-safe because this one has nothing to do with George Clooney.

John McCain believes that most of the country is positioned to the right . . .
And someday, maybe he'll join them.

*Many of these jokes are now a part of National Lampoon's Sports Minute, National Lampoon's Pop Culture Minute, and The Complete Sheet. The ones you didn't laugh at are still available.

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