Writings

Politics:
Defense Secretary Robert Gates got choked up while addressing cadets at West Point.  Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton teared up while addressing the graduates of Hogwarts.

Many are wondering if exhaustion is setting in for the Presidential candidates.  Barack Obama looks so tired, he just picked up support from conservative voters who thought he was Fred Thompson.

All three candidates are talking about a timeline to reach the moon or Mars.  In fact, Hillary Clinton is already making up a story about alien sniper fire.

Other News:
Now that they're away from their usual environment, some of the children from the polygamist ranch are in culture shock, because they're ages behind the times.  So to make them feel more at ease, officials will send them to Arkansas.

Two tornadoes hit the Washington D.C. area.  It's official . . . President Bush has turned Pennsylvania Avenue into a trailer park.

Risque photos of Miley Cyrus showing off her bra have hit the internet.  Her dad doesn't know what the big deal is, because with that Achy Breaky dance, he spent years publicly showing his ass.

Yoko Ono is suing the makers of the movie "Expelled" over the illegal use of the song "Imagine".  She's even threatening to date the director and break up the production company.

Jim Lehrer of PBS' "News Hour" had successful heart surgery.  He's expected to recover soon, maybe even in time to see the telethon the network needs to pay his hospital bill.

A Pennsylvania man survived a 500-foot fall into a strip mine.  But he told his wife it was just a regular mine.

Jerry Springer will deliver an address at the Northwestern Law School commencement.  To motivate the graduates, he plans to read excerpts from the book "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Transvestite Midgets".

Al Franken will pay $70,000 in back taxes.  But people are just now hearing about it because the news broke on Air America two months ago.

The government has officially cited two major beef processors.  Then as a force of habit, after hearing the news, Paris Hilton showed up to court.

A pile of 130-million-year-old fossilized dinosaur dung sold at auction for $960.  Turns out, when the buyer's wife asked him to go buy an expensive piece of crap, she actually meant a Sprint phone.

Sports:
The Pope said Mass at Yankee Stadium.  The Yankees were on the road at the time, otherwise the Pope also would have given Last Rites to their pitching staff.

Tiger Woods will be out for at least a month after a minor knee operation.  The good news…Only ten more surgeries and he'll break Jack Nicklaus's record.

Alex Rodriguez's wife gave birth to their second child.  It most likely wasn't a planned baby, because score keepers named it "E-5".

Danica Patrick became the first woman to win an Indy Car Racing event.  She actually won a month ago, but it took her a few days to parallel park before making the announcement.

A golfer in Iowa hit two holes-in-one in the same round.  He said, however, that he's not a lucky person.  Evidenced by exhibit A: living in Iowa.

Leave a Reply

  • debutant