Writings

Two sisters in Virginia sold an Illinois-shaped corn flake on eBay for $1,350.  Since the girls are blonde, they'll now try to sell their Wyoming-shaped Chex Mix.  

More and more truckers are slowing down to save fuel.  They're also slowing down because their final destination is New Jersey, and who's in a hurry to get there? 

The Pope baptized a Muslim who converted to Christianity.  The event caused massive protests . . . not by Arabs but by the ACLU who instinctively reacted to a Muslim having water poured on his head. 

Although he's endorsing Barack Obama, Bill Richardson says he still feels loyal to the Clintons.  A politician hasn't hedged his bets this blatantly since Barack Obama embraced both America and Jeremiah Wright. 

Jeremiah Wright chose not to celebrate Easter this year.  Instead, he condemned America for using the Easter bunny to exploit chocolate candy and eggs of color. 

Hillary Clinton told reporters that she still believes in the Easter Bunny.  Well, not really.  But she did say she believes the superdelegates will magically give her the nomination.  Kinda the same thing. 

An ATM in London was giving users twice as much money as it was supposed to.  Locals noticed the discrepancy because the machine was dispensing U.S. dollars.

Many residents in New Orleans say the U.S. Census Bureau's headcount of the city is too low at 240,000.  They say if the Bureau would get drunk like the rest of the city, they would see at least twice that many people. 

Storms have swamped the Midwest so bad, the government is calling some states "Amy Winehouse Areas".  Oops, I mean "natural disaster areas".

Zoo workers in San Francisco are being criticized for not believing the two brothers who first reported a tiger loose in December.  In fact, they got scrutinized for sounding terribly like an Abbott and Costello routine.  "A tiger's loose."  "You're lyin'."  "No a tiger."  "More lyin'."  "No lion.  A tiger."  End scene. 

A chihuahua at a Buddhist temple has shown to mimic the monks by sitting in a praying stance.  The dog's search for nirvana may be in vain, however, because it usually follows one of those annoying fake-out throws from his master. 

A boy in Kentucky has a rare disease that causes him to age faster than others.  His parents noticed a problem when the turn signal on his Big Wheel was always on. 

Hollywood is already making a movie about the Eliot Spitzer scandal.  It's called "Horton Hears a Ho"

John McCain and Dick Cheney visited troops in Iraq and pledged undying support for the war effort.  And if anyone knows anything about undying, it's John McCain and Dick Cheney.

The new $5 bills with extra color went into circulation Thursday.  The media heard they had color in them because Geraldine Ferraro complained about their popularity. 

The final Harry Potter book will be made into not one but two films.  Harry will be so old by the last film, he's expected to use his magic wand to get chicks back to his nursing home.

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