Writings

ESPN will televise a par 3 contest from the Masters. To be clear, they told John Daly that it’s still golf they’re talking about here.

One remaining space for a Super Bowl ad was purchased by monster.com, a job finding site that expects to be flooded with visits from Jets coach Eric Mangini.

The can of bug spray the Yankees used in their playoff loss at Cleveland was sold online for $673. It was the most anyone has paid for ineffective chemicals since the Devil Rays bought a case of human growth hormone.

Evel Knievel’s funeral was held in Montana. Things got weird when Satan showed up asking, “So . . . about this whole ‘daredevil’ thing . . . “.

Daniel Baldwin faces a warrant after failing to appear in court. He also faces a warrant for failing to get the family’s talent genes.

A 63-year-old grandmother was arrested for taking a loaded handgun into Disneyworld. Apparently there was a misunderstanding when she heard that the only way to tolerate Disneyworld is if you take a few shots along the way.

A lock of John Lennon’s hair sold for $48,000 at auction. $48,000?! Can you . . . imagine?

A new study shows a decline in teen drug use. That was to be expected. With all the energy they spend text messaging, they have no time to actually have fun.

The Chicago Cubs signed Japanese outfielder Kosuke Fukudome. Fans in Chicago are expected to use his last name to either cheer him or curse him.

San Francisco is urging residents to consider solar power. Funny how a city is promoting solar power when it normally celebrates places where the sun don’t shine.

Central American gangs are now recruiting college kids. How does a group of social outcast losers recruit college kids? To research the process, they asked the New York Knicks.

A woman in Miami is accused of being married to ten men at the same time. Having ten different anniversary dates is what tipped off authorities. They knew something wasn’t right when they heard that a married woman was having sex ten times a year.

Many counties around the country are painting their jail cells pink. Just in case sodomy wasn’t enough to make you feel less masculine.

After catching his son smoking pot, a father sold the kid’s coveted Guitar Hero III video game for $9,000….Setting the stage for Guitar Hero IV….where you pawn your family’s possessions for extra drug money.

A man is suing several night clubs in Manhattan for offering ladies night, saying it’s discrimination. In a similar case, Michael Moore is suing because even with good-sized boobs, he can’t enter any wet t-shirt contests.

Actress Julie Christie said Oscar nominations make her nervous. Cuba Gooding Jr. said he suffers from the same anxiety and gave her some advice…just stop making good movies like he did.

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