Last week I performed in Washington state, where coffee, rain, and soccer are so plentiful, it will one day be annexed by South America.

It’s a passionate culture in Washington, especially when it comes to coffee. It’s home to Starbucks, Tully’s, and awfully presumptuous Seattle’s Best Coffee…not to mention enough independent roasters to make Brooklyn look Mormon. When baristas in other cities go to bed at night, they dream of being called up to the Big Leagues of Seattle.

So why is it that everyone there seems incredibly laid back? It’s without a doubt the chillest state I’ve ever visited. Most people think marijuana is the reason, but it can’t be. Caffeine and pot are the rock and scissors, respectively, of mood altering drugs.

My theory lies in the fact that coffee is everywhere there. According to the #1 source for settling late night bar arguments–Wikipedia–there are 35 coffeehouses for every 100,000 residents in Seattle. To put that in terms Hollywood can appreciate, for every 100,000 residents, there are 35 places to type a screenplay!

When coffee is roasted, its addictive qualities vaporize and float in the air. Not enough to be effective under normal conditions, but in Washington, where coffee roasting is so ubiquitous, coffee vapor has become breathable. Oxygen in Seattle is better than it has ever been in history. O2 is O2.0 — new, improved, joyful.

This theory requires more research, however, and I can’t wait to get back and do more testing. A lot more testing.

Categories: Columns