As a big fan of history, I’m aware that some quotes have been lost over the years. I’m here to revive them for your education.

The Lost Quotes of History

Independence Day

“Hey, Hancock…ya know we all have to sign this, right? You self-absorbed jackass.” –Various Forefathers

“We’re fighting 13 colonies? Really? Can we break a mirror and walk under a ladder while we’re at it? Jeez!” –Superstitious General Cornwallis

“You can cross the half-frozen Delaware but can’t pick up your socks? Unbelievable.” –Martha Washington

“Give me liberty or give me gout?!  Ok, who’s been messing with this?” –Patrick Henry

“Seriously, Britain…West Point is all yours. But there is of course my usual realtor fee. Sorry…industry standard.” –Benedict Arnold

“1 if by land, 2 if by sea, and 3 if I have a girl over and don’t want to be disturbed.” –Paul Revere

“I should probably bequeath the copyrights to my screenplay for Spies Like Us, just in case.” –Nathan Hale

“Of course dumping tea in Boston Harbor is a good idea. I won’t have a bad idea until I brew my Summer Ale.” –Sam Adams

“What about solid blue? That would also make an excellent flag.” –Lazy Betsy Ross

“We should get France to rescue us. We’ll have plenty of opportunities to repay the favor, I bet.” –John Adams

“I just hope I’m more memorable than William Dawes.” –Molly Pitcher

“King George can suck my liberty balls.” –Ben Franklin


“All they had was myrrh. Well, that’s what I get for shopping at the last minute.” –wiseman

“We got one room next to the bachelorette party suite. Or we got a manger. Take your pick.” –Bethlehem innkeeper

“Keep it going for Maximus on the triangle.” –Little Drummer Boy, pre-encore

“Next year I’m just getting a gift card at the frankincense store so they can get the kind He likes.” –wiseman

“Ice chips? What in the world are ice chips?” –Joseph

“How can I ruin the act of gift giving? Oh, yeah…I got a great idea!” –inventor of Chia Pets

These and other #LostQuotesOfHistory are routinely posted on my Twitter page.

“Follow @KeithAlberstadt on Twitter!” –Thomas Jefferson