US Navy SEALs found Osama Bin Laden in a luxury compound near Islamabad in Pakistan. They took the compound with tactics used specially by American forces. Which means they foreclosed on it.

President Obama on Wednesday said that he will not release pictures of Osama Bin Laden’s body. Not that it matters, because Satan just tagged his newest ones on facebook.

President Obama on Wednesday announced that he will not release pictures of Osama Bin Laden’s body saying “We don’t need to spike the football.” Especially since it took over 9 years to find the endzone.

In order to keep his presence hidden, the compound in Pakistan where Osama Bin Laden was hiding had no internet or cell phone service. Ironically, we were able to find him when Steve Jobs pointed to the one place on the globe where he has received no information.

A teenager in Texas picked up his prom date in the famous Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. But not before going to the drug store and stocking his wallet with condiments.

This Thursday thousands of Americans observed National Day of Prayer. At least that’s what air traffic controllers said when they were caught with their eyes closed.

A woman in Dubai is suing her ex-husband for 12 million dollars because he was impotent while they were married. The man tried to countersue, but it wouldn’t stand up.

Several Major League baseball teams are seeing more and more empty seats at the stadium this season. To attract ticket buyers to their home games, the New York Mets started a new promotion: Buy a ticket at regular price, and you can pitch the top of the 9th.

This Thursday was Cinco de Mayo. Or as Arizona lawmakers call it, “May 5th”.

Tom Colicchio from Top Chef wants to make a Broadway musical version of the hit reality series. He said for once, New Yorkers want to see a high-profile food contest that doesn’t involve a Japanese dude eating hot dogs really fast.

The above were also submitted to Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update.