Wrongfully-ousted government employee Shirley Sherrod said she needs more time to think about the President’s new job offer. This time, however, Obama plans to watch the whole tape before deciphering what she means by that.

Unemployment benefits were finally renewed. That’s good news for anyone who gets cut from Southern Cal’s football team.

Sources say the massive spillage is finally under control. Critics, however, say that Mel Gibson isn’t done yet.

Mel Gibson’s secret recordings have been labeled by some as maniacal rants. Leading many to believe that M. Night Shyamalan asked him to do another movie.

President Obama signed a bill that will attempt to curb wasteful government spending. It marks the first time that a President has ever tried to take over nature.

The “Barefoot Bandit” who was apprehended in the Bahamas, will soon appear in a Washington court. He wants a change of venue, however, because the sign said “No shirt, no shoes, no justice”.

Sixteen people were rescued at the peak of Grand Teton in Wyoming. Apparently there’s a bank on the mountain that’s too big to fail.

A new company in Brooklyn specializes in making environmentally-friendly pet toys. Critics say nothing will change though, until lawmakers end their relationship with big catnip companies and old, chewed-up tennis shoe unions.

Football fans are once again wondering if Brett Favre will play or not. Experts agree that regardless of Favre’s decision, a simple yes-or-no question like that would only take LeBron James 30 minutes of airtime to answer.

Although sentenced to 90 days in jail, Lindsay Lohan could get out in 14. It will feel like 90, however, because the warden plans on showing her “Herbie: Fully Loaded”.