A friend of mine suggested I post this on my regular website. Originally it was only on Facebook. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, Facebook is a website where people go to find old classmates and see what people are doing every five seconds.  It’s almost as much a waste of space as the UN Security Council.

Facebook occasionally designs surveys for users to take and post. Why take the surveys? Because people are bored at work or they want their friends to know more about them. After all, how many times have you thought about your close buddies and pondered, “I wonder what the last thing he ate was.”? Most of these questions are silly and unnecessary in getting to know someone, which is why I chose to showcase my sarcasm.

Here you go.

1.What was the last thing you ate?

BBBQ. The extra B is for Bourbon.

2.Where was your profile picture taken?

Brother’s wedding reception (before hearing that Vandy lost).

3.Can you play Guitar Hero?

Air Guitar Hero

4.Name someone who made you laugh today?

My niece Kate

5.How late did you stay up last night and why?

12:30 after hanging out with officers at Camp Shelby. I had some good Army strategy to discuss with them.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?

Back to Nashville fo sho. Elsewhere…to a coffee farm in Hawaii, Columbia, or Starbuckiana.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?

No, but I once made out with a girl working at a fireworks stand. That count?

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?

Andy Hendrickson.

9. Do you believe ex’s can be friends?

If they still have feelings, no. If they still have your Simpsons DVDs, yes.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?

He didn’t go to school that long to be called Mr.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?

Last night. End of Rocky 2.

12. Who took your profile picture?

Paul, I think. Maybe me.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Various strangers at Wal-Mart, just waiting to get someone on camera beating their kids so I can sell the footage to CNN.

14. Was yesterday better than today?


15. Can you live a day without TV?

Absolutely. God, I wish I had more days like that.

16. Are you upset about anything?

Yes, but it will pass. Unless it’s swine flu and it sticks around.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?

Yeah, sure, why not.

18. Are you a bad influence?

Only when Jack D. is a bad influence on me.

19. Night out or night in?

In. I’m a dork.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?

Coffee, newspaper, steroids

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?


22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?

Please cease and desist calling our client Rachael Ray.

23. How do you feel about your life right now?

Very good. Career is going pretty good and the government is on the verge of solving all of life’s problems. What’s not to feel good about?

24. Do you hate anyone?

Of course not. Except Swedes. Man are they weird.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find?

Please cease and desist calling our client Rachael Ray. I thought I covered this already.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?

Yes. Thank God caffeine is legal.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?


28. What song is stuck in your head right now?

Half of Miley Cyrus’s CD thanks to my niece playing them over and over tonight.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?

Juan Valdez

30.Want to have grandkids before you’re 50?

Well, I’m 36. So unless I marry into the Palin family, that ain’t happening.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Drive nephew to school. I’m going to honk and wave as he walks into the building.

32. Do you think too much or too little?

Too much. But it keeps me busy.

33. Do you smile a lot?

Yes. You have to. Unless you hang out with Swedes. Man they’re weird.

Categories: Columns