Do you IM?  Depending on your age, that could mean two totally different things, much like hearing that lyric in the Flintstones song about "having a gay ol' time".  

What a difference a decade makes.  When I was in school, the abbreviation IM stood for "Intra-Murals", as in the kind of sports you played if you didn't have enough talent to even make the JV team. 

Now, the abbreviation IM means "Instant Messaging", as in the kind of communication you use if you don't have enough decency to just call somebody.  

And the two couldn't be further apart.  Teenagers seem to be so out of shape now, they probably use the Instant Message form of IM to badmouth the Intra-Mural form of IM…

"You going to gym class?"
"LOL!!!  I'd rather read a newspaper."

And mark my words…this is a trend.  Other abbreviations that we thought were secure will soon change over time.  Here are a few:

BYOB.  This will soon come to stand for "Bring Your Own Botox".  After high-def television makes all of us insane with narcissism, people will have BYOB parties, throwing around syringes and chemicals like tupperware. Older guests will show their age not only by their unsightly wrinkles, but also by their old-school six-pack of Budweiser. 

SOS.  Prepare yourself for the new question to ask your fellow coffee drinkers… "Starbucks Or Starbucks".  Once Starbucks corners the market and monopolizes the coffee industry, SOS will be an question asked by Americans who no longer have an alternative.  I feel terrible for sailors in distress.

"S.O.S.!! S.O.S.!!"

"Roger that, Captain.  I'll take a venti latte. Over."

And finally…

RSVP.  "Really Sounds Very Pancakes!"  Okay…I admit that this sounds silly, but hear me out. In ten years, RSVP will have nothing to do with party invitations.  Rather, everyone under the age of 25 will be so overstimulated, they will all suffer from severe ADD.  That being said, RSVP will stand for "Really Sounds Very Pancakes!" and it will be a way for people to tell others that they're just not focused.

"Carlson…what's the status on that Peterson case?"

"RSVP, sir."

"Oh, gotcha. Well hang in there, son. SOS?"

"I'll take the Starbucks, I guess."

"Good choice. I'll IM them the order."

Categories: Columns