Conspiracy theories have been around this country for centuries.

  • Did pilgrims really want to befriend the natives or did they just want help moving furniture off the Mayflower?
  • Was Christopher Columbus funded by Spain or Halliburton?
  • Was General Custer massacred as a result of his overconfidence or because he sold Amway?
  • Is the government diverting our attention from an alien cover up with that Kevin Bacon six degree game?

The list could go on for miles.

Well now I have my own theory. And it’s insanely plausible, especially if you’re not sober. It deals with the heat wave tearing up the country.

Many people blame global warming. I, however, believe it’s North Korean president Kim Jong Il using his super giant eyeglasses to burn us with the sun’s rays, like we used to do with magnifying glasses and ants when we were kids. In my “topical insights” section, which you should really consider reading, I touched on that as a concern for Korea’s neighbors, but I really think that jackass is using his bifocal evil powers to go global.

Categories: Columns