Writings

So we’re involved with Libya but not seriously involved. Say what? It’s so confusing. Libya is like a hot fat chick. We want to mess around with her, but we’re not comfortable admitting it to anyone.

“Involved but not really”. That’s something a dude says when confronted about an ex-girlfriend. Some countries are allies, some are enemies, and maybe some are just “booty calls”. Or better yet, something to use just to look good for the media, like when Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes fake smile in public.

Various people in Washington say we’re not in a “war”. Rather, this is a “kinetic military action”. Nice wordplay. I remember when Mom didn’t like us playing war as kids. We’d tell her, “We’re not playing war, Mom. We’re playing kinetic military action. Tomorrow we’re playing cowboys and casino owners.”

There’s some confusion on what this military action is all about. There’s no consensus. Which shouldn’t surprise anybody, really. We can’t even agree on how to spell Khadafy. Some use a G, others a K, and even others a Q. Why so many name changes? Perhaps he’s an Arab P-Diddy. Way to keep it real, Moammar.

By the way, it’s hard to believe Quddafi is still hanging around. I don’t think his own fans predicted that. Moammar Gaddafey is the Virginia Commonwealth of the Middle East. Dictator, despot, bracket buster.

Some say that the calls for freedom in the Middle East are a result of people’s rally cries on Twitter and Facebook. Which is just a nice way of accusing America of completely bastardizing social media. If you’ve ever tweeted about your cat or how much you love J-Lo, they’re talking about you.

We declared a no-fly zone. That’s not a big deal, really. All that takes these days is falling asleep in a D.C. control tower.

It’s a shame that President Bush isn’t still in office. This could be “Dubya on Libya”. That’s marketability!! We could get Don King involved, make some T-shirts and posters, jack up the hype. Instead, we have Barack n Khadafy. It sounds more like a world championship chess match or the worst musical duo ever. Borrrrrring!

Is there an exit strategy? Maybe. If I may use another analogy, it’s like we’re at a party. We don’t want to be at this party but we got talked into going. Now we’re stuck at a lame party that is of no vital interest to us. We could easily leave, but others would badmouth us and call us selfish. So now we’ll plan to stick around a little longer, chalk up some face time, then sneak out the back. That should be our exit strategy…tell everyone we have to make a phone call, then sneak away to a much more important party in Japan.

Finally, on “Face the Nation” Sunday, Robert Gates said that Gqkaddafi shouldn’t “hang any new pictures”. It was a clear message that the Libyan leader shouldn’t make plans to stick around. But the underlying message is also evident: the military is so serious about repealing “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”, the Defense Secretary is giving out home decorating tips.

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