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Baseball Jokes August 11


August 11th, 2016

With Alex Rodriguez retiring, Major League Baseball is expected to shower his career with praise. And by praise we mean asterisks.

A-Rod is set to make $20 million next year as an adviser to the Yankees, a deal that by itself proves how much the Yankees could use a good adviser.

A-Rod’s final game is Friday against the Rays. Smart move. It’s good taste to go out a winner.

A-Rod will make the remaining $5.5 million on his contract this season too, plus a $1 million signing bonus. That’s a total of $26 million to not play baseball, or as it’s now known, “The Bonilla Retirement Plan”.

Former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow is attempting to play in the Major Leagues. So already he has a lot in common with the Atlanta Braves.

Tebow will try out with all 30 Major League teams, proving that contracts are re-negotiable in the game of relevance. Okay…perceived relevance.

Tebow could be a good fit for baseball. After all, he’s a natural athlete, and with his habit of praying hard before games, a natural Reds fan.

Some teams have already said they’re not interested in Tebow. For example, when his agent noted how much Tebow appreciates the value of hard work and perseverance, the Minnesota Twins said, “Well then we’re out.”

Tebow said he sees himself as an outfielder. What a coincidence! So did the Broncos.

The Dodgers sent Yasiel Puig to the minors. Appropriately it’s Triple-A, where maybe he can jumpstart his career.

Puig is playing in Oklahoma City, a town that’s now a destination for tornadoes and falling stars.

The Dodgers say they fully expect Puig to return to the club. And they fully expect him to pull a hamstring doing it.

Puig released videos on snapchat showing him partying with teammates after a loss. He immediately received a cease and desist letter from Johnny Manziel’s lawyer.

Earlier this week Manny Machado hit a homerun in each of the first three innings, automatically earning the opposing pitcher a participation trophy.

Ichiro Suzuki became the 30th player in history to get 3,000 hits, but the first to do it while collecting social security.

In announcing that his playing career is over, Prince Fielder said, “My brain was good but my body just gave out.” In other words, the opposite of how John Rocker’s career ended.

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